Gone Missing
by fae2up
Summary: No one has seen Charlie for a week, so Olivia, Kirby, and Robbie go out on a quest to find him. Unpleasant events result.


Kirby, Olivia, and Robbie stood outside of Charlie's house, staring at the mottled wood door. They wore a worried expression, a holy-fuck-why-do-I-even-care expression, and an oh-god-he-is-probably-dead-I'm-gonna-be-stuck-a-virgin-forever expression, respectively.

"Kirby, I need to shave my mom's back and twerk on my dresser for 1100000 hours. Now."

Robbie drop-kick-grenade-launcher-bitch-smacked her to the floor in an out-of-character display of chivalry. "We aren't leaving until my bbywuv2k15 is found!"

Olivia slapped his ass with a sponge, gifted kindly by the Klingerman Foundation. "You're my boyfriend, faggot!"

"Olivia, I don't think you know what that word means..."

Olivia took this as a moment to show off her master twerking skills. Inexplicably, Trevor rolled out from behind a bush and began to sing in Yakko Warner's voice for some reason. "Bubble butt, bubble bubble bubble butt, turn around, stick it out, show the world you got a..." Repeat ad nauseam.

Kirby began to scream. "Robbie, get the nukes!" The mentioned was too busy jerking off next to a shirtless jogger while singing the Harry Potter series backward to respond.

Kirby sighed and slid into one of the cleanly trimmed hedges near Charlie's house, trying to make as clean of an exit as was possible at this point. Crawling through the branches, twigs and completely normal raccoon heads on sticks and severed rabbit penises, she heard something in the distance. She brushed it off as just a dog; they often came into Charlie's yard, followed by the sound of a chainsaw and a few barks and whimpers, though they never seemed to leave.

Charlie sat on a lawn chair in his backyard, naked with the exception of a cone bra. A single rose was delicately balanced within his teeth, and he was spraying whipped cream on a topiary of his mom's boobs. Sheriff Riley's uncapped head bobbed between his thighs, and Kirby noticed that Robbie had teleported nearby and begun to slit his wrists because if someone accepts a blowie from a dude more than twice his age when it's painstakingly clear you're worshipping him, then you're pretty much out of chances.

It was the hottest thing she had ever seen in her life. Grabbing the box of condoms from her pocket (she has large pockets, okay?), she grabbed two, unwrapped them, and put them on her hands.

"YUS, LETS GET DIS PARTY STARTED, BABY!" Kirby screeched, launching herself out of the hedge.

Charlie, naturally, picked up a nearby flamethrower and blazed into the air, launching the Sheriff back so far he landed somewhere in North Korea and was probably eaten by a crazed Kim Jong Un who thought he was cheese. "YEAH BITCH DIS OUR HOOD SO SWAG!"

Kirby screeched. "YUS BABY SO SWAG LEL 2k15!" She stripped and screamed again, throwing her hands in the air and gyrating over the topiary. Robbie bent over and promptly emptied the contents of his stomach. "GOD DAMN IT PUT ON A BRA YOU'RE SCARING THE CHILDREN." Seven Roblie MPreg babies of various ages peeked out from behind Charlie's house, before running away and getting hit by a semi. Charlie screamed and raced to lick up the remains of his children, while Robbie just sat there with an expression that could only be described as "I squeezed those things out of my ass for nothing.". Jill appeared from the sky and began to gyrate as well because when you appear from the sky you are naked. Don't ask.

"Yay for gyrating!" Jill screamed.

"Yay for making Robbie want to die!" Kirby screamed.

"Yay for twerking!" Olivia screamed.

"Yay for watching people twerk!" Trevor screamed, creepily licking Jill's boobs.

"Yay for humping things!" Charlie screamed whilst bashing his dick into Robbie's thigh uneventfully.

"Yay for this being documented on camera?" Robbie said, bemused at being on the receiving end of a thigh-hump.

"OKAY EVERYONE PUT THEIR HANDS IN THE AIR!" screamed Deputy Hicks, aiming a gun at the epic gyrating-humping-twerking party the New Generation was having without Jenny or Marnie because nobody cares about them.

"We don't have to listen to you!" roared Olivia, who was twerking with rapid speed.

"INDECENT EXPOSURE!" Judy said, keeping her gun pointed. She fired, and it skimmed past the party and hit her somehow because Secret Squirrel popped out or some shit.

"OMG I'M DYING!" she screamed.

"Fuck you!" shouted Charlie as he sprayed come all over Robbie's thigh, who stared at the floor, probably questioning his own sanity. Kirby gyrated to them. "DUDE LOOK I FOUND A SPATULA! SHREK IS LOVE SHREK IS LIFE!"

She shoved it up Charlie's ass. "I'm going to ban you from Cinema Club if you don't remove the foreign object from my anus now!" He hit her with the dictionary he was using to learn hard words like 'the' and 'a'.

Kirby gyrated over Judy's body instead.

was acually dolan


End file.
